RECAP: Teen Wolf – Frayed

There are always so so so many things that bewilder me about Teen Wolf. There’s the fact that all the werewolves seemed to learn amazing gymnastics along with their super powerful skills. Or the fact that continuity errors in the show are always a lol-ing good time (so Jeff, is it 6 or 9 years since the house fire? I DUNNO. YOU TELL ME). But there’s mainly the fact that I keep watching this show.

Oh, the power of pretty boys.

lol at anyone who thought I wouldn’t get Papa Argent in this recap even if he’s barely in this episode.

One small thing about this episode is that I generally hate hate hate HATE episodes that are centered around a flashback. Although I kind of thought this one worked, all it did was amp the hype that an alpha was dead. And… did it pay off? I’m actually asking. Like hell they were going to kill off Deucalion or Derek – one is a pretty good actor and one is in the credits.

I couldn’t believe Derek was dead either. And by “couldn’t,” I mean “didn’t.”

Alas. I’m not here to critique the artistic choices around this episode. I’m here to make fun of it. …I mean to recap it, man I’m bad at this. This episode today was brought to you by AT&T. You can apparently send text messages without typing anything in super quickly. Annoy your friends today!

Something about this shot tells me that I should use Verizon.

First off, I realize this is the track team. Cross Country team. Whatever. But in the episode where they were all running, there was like ten times the amount of people there than there were people on that bus. In fact, the kid who was going to get sick, he wasn’t even THERE last time. Wait. How was he still motion sick on a stop bus? WHERE WAS GREENBERG??

You are not Greenberg, so I literally do not care about you.

Either way, we move to our main characters, where Scott is currently not healing from some cut to his chest and Allison is trying to prove that she doesn’t love him anymore. I wish they’d get over it. I mean, I understand the trying to stay away from each other thing was for their own benefit, but clearly they’re working together and they like each other. This isn’t sexual tension as much as it is “Can you please just get back together god I’m annoyed.” Still hate her hair though. Actually, I love the style, just not on her. Weird.

I am so conflicted on her hair that it made me ignore the rest of the things in the scene that bothered me. …which was quite a lot.

Stiles is back with his iPad (I couldn’t tell if that was product placement or just to make me jealous/annoyed that he even had an iPad) and way to bring up Scott’s attempts at still studying. Memorizing words was so high school. In college you don’t memorize – you wait until the night before the final and break down sobbing over your lack of knowledge. Wait, just me? Darn.

I hate you Stiles. And by hate, I mean lemme borrow your iPad for a minute.

Anyway, Stiles does have a point. Are we just going to keep the Alpha pack business with Scott and Co, while Lydia and Stiles work on the Durak? Cause considering this is one of the few times we’ve seen Scott and Stiles interacting together for a long period of time, I don’t like that. We need our biffles to stay biffles, and for Isaac to back off. Speaking of Isaac backing off… um so my joke in the last episode was that the tension between Isaac and Allison was because their actors were dating. WELL NOT ANYMORE. Man I can’t wait to see the episodes that will be filmed later this summer because of all the AWKWARD!!

So excited.

Literally my face.

Anyway, Stiles was adorable with his attempts to help. More interaction with Danny is always a plus, though I was dying at the fact that literally everyone in that bus looked ten years to old to be in a school bus. BUT. Danny interaction. How does Stiles have his number? Were they friends? Are they friends? CAN THEY BE BESTIES (after Scott of course) AND DANNY JOINS LYDIA AND STILES HELPS TO SOLVE MURDERS?

I mean, after he slaps Stiles upside the head for this shit.

Cause seriously. He likes the… uh, unique looking twin. If no one wants to let him in on why people are beating up the object of his affection or Ethan (or Aiden, shit which is which…?) mysteriously DIE, then that would be sad. Because making Danny sad is the opposite of what’s right.

COACH you’re on my shit list. First off, I get that he’s supposed to be funny but he is literally one of the worst teachers and coaches I have ever seen on television. Okay, probably not the worst but he’s annoying as hell so there. And that was okay until he pulled that shit where Stiles is trying to say something and he thinks its cute to ignore him with that whistle. Stiles gets all sorts of credit for not slapping that whistle out of Finstock’s mouth and slapping him with it, because I know if that happened to me, the coach would have been out of the window and I would have turned that bus around and gone home.

Drop kicking would be involved. I don’t know how, but it would be.

SPEAKING OF THE BUS. What dimension does it reside in?? Finstock can hear what Stiles is saying sometimes. But the werewolves can’t hear each other – well alright, maybe they weren’t listening. But when Stiles plops a seat next to …the kid whose only role on the show was to have motion sickness on a bus that wasn’t moving, did Finstock literally like, evaporate? Did he not see Stiles sit down? Did he not hear Stiles talking?

Five seconds ago you were screaming at Stiles, and now you can’t hear him…?

And in this magical Stiles world we apparently live in, when Lydia’s like, “Stiles is distracting the coach,” the hell was he doing? Clearly the coach and Stiles hate each other. Was he doing back flips and cartwheels and when THAT didn’t work, mention to Isaac and Boyd why his gymnastics weren’t as good as the werewolves? …You know what, that is now my canon. Screw it. Stiles is working on his gymnastic skills and the coach is throwing off his groove.

“Gotta get my head in the game.”

Allison, Allison, Allison. I understand that she has issues with her mom, but I just have some problems with the whole mom is suddenly here illusion scene. Like… Allison didn’t know about werewolves until season 1, right? And we’re assuming that she had to have trained with a bow and arrow because she’s apparently a champion archer but… where in her past have we ever seen her family give the implication of how to stitch people up? Archery and SEWING SOMEONE’S SKIN TOGETHER OH MY GOD are not the same thing. I mean, mad props for her for doing so but like… the fuck?

I don’t remember Mama Argent being THIS terrifying.

Lydia, please please please stop talking about being intelligent and do something awesome. I’m so over listening to her be awesome instead of watching her be awesome. She better be kicking some ass when the Durak shows up because I’m going to be pissed if she doesn’t. She’s just been talking this whole season and I want her to be badass and punch Peter in the face.

….Molotov Cocktails???

Also ew at her making out with the twin. Like, I’m all for her being sexually active with random guys or even one guy but… not him. Show, can we please stop trying to make fetch happen? IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN.

Approve of the nun comment, though.

Allison and Lydia were top of their game, despite all my complaining. Lydia and Stiles is a friendship that I wish had been explored much earlier (though that would force Lydia to actually know what was going on, and we know giving Lydia plot is too much effort), and Allison, why are you leaving your car in some random rest stop? How are you getting back to your car? I bet the car issue is never brought up again and it will magically appear at home. And for everyone who is like “Oh, the bus will drop her off at the rest stop STOP NITPICKING,” have fun with a car with no gas, Allison. YOUR LIFE SUCKS NOW.

HAVE FUN WALKING, Y’ALL.

…wait she has an ex-boyfriend who is a werewolf and can push the car BUT YOU KNOW THE SHOW WASN’T THINKING ABOUT THAT.

Ahem.

Also the fact that Deucalion lives on top of the Argent’s building  shock me as much as the fact that him mentioned that he lives there is the only inclination that Allison and her dad moved. Did…did they tell us she moved? Where does she live? Is it downtown near the shifty ass Derek’s loft? What does her dad do? Does consulting pay that well? That’s a big apartment, HOW DID THEY PAY FOR IT ARGH.

“Dammit, are we trying to dutch angle this AGAIN?”

In other news, Deaton should lead in this show. Because he is amazing. A pack of Alpha’s and he’s all “le sigh can you fucking leave I don’t feel like dealing with this shit.” I feel like as much as they boast about Scott, Deaton is the messiah character in this show. Scott is going to be messed up randomly in the final final FINAL fight and Deaton is going to walk in, sigh, and kick so much ass that it’s not even funny. I can’t wait.

“I literally do not have a singular fuck to give.”

But we actually have a strong black woman again! And by strong I mean, Miss Morell the fuck are you doing. Are she and Deaton actually related or do they just consider themselves siblings because Miss Morell’s name is MISS, not Mrs. So either she has a fake name to dissociate herself from her brother or the writers didn’t think of that.

…For once, it could actually be either.

Either way, she better be secretly hiding the Kick Ass Black Girl from the beginning or I’ll be pissed.

Also Cora is …I don’t like her. And to be fair, I don’t like her because A) Peter brings up a good point, what has she been doing in the past 6 years, and B) she lacks characterization. All of her snark doesn’t show us anything about it. In fact, it just shows us that she’s pissed at the situation WHICH IS UNDERSTANDABLE but I don’t want understandable. I want to actually like or hate her as a character not just… deal with her.

Whatever you say, character who was supposed to be dead until 4 episodes ago.

There are so many new characters in this show that I feel that it’s been too much effort in making them seem badass and so little effort into their history or what makes them badass so they seem like badass cardboard cutouts. With no shoes, in Kali’s opinion. I think this was the first episode she spoke! No wait she said one thing in the first episode ALAS.

Also why doesn’t her face get distorted when she goes into werewolf form…?

Also aren’t Peter and Cora werewolves how could they NOT have heard the three or so werewolves in Deaton’s clinic?

“Shit, I forgot we can actually hear things from far away…”

Also way to waste Deaton’s time, Deaucalion. Jerk. Also, it’s not nice to kill people that I… didn’t care about or know anything about but STILL. NOT COOL

“I don’t have time for your shit and now you waste my time. I can’t.”

Okay what has been bothering me forEVER is the set up of Beacon Hills. Jeff apparently claims its like a downtown LA or a downtown Hartford but are either of those similar? (Actually curious. I only know downtown LA). We have Derek’s creepy loft, we have wide open forests, we have ABANDONED FUCKING MALLS THAT ARE TOTALLY COOL TO FIGHT IN. WHERE WAS THIS MALL. Seriously??? I don’t remember Deucalion being like “Also, Scott? Don’t forget to meet me by this ABANDONED MALL if you want to talk, okay? Lol cool.”

“It shouldn’t be too hard to find, considering abandoned buildings are EVERYWHERE.”

And the fight was ridiculous. All it showed that was werewolves are all part gymnasts, Allison Argent has a mean shot, Kali still needs some shoes, Derek’s pack sucks, and apparently Scott is magically Jesus Alpha who doesn’t need to kill at all to become one. ALRIGHT. Nbd.

I can see why Stiles would be so upset at not being able to do backflips compared to this crew.

And we finally get to Derek, which I actually can’t stop laughing about his life. I mean, yeah it sucks that he fell and is really possibly hurt but I have so many issues and I’m going to mention previews for the next episode SO DEAL. Derek. You are a terrible leader. Although Peter is a murderous family member, he had a point – you don’t just go up against a dude like Deucalion and think you’ll be fine. If he was dead, it was literally his own fault.

“Just you”? Seriously Derek? Did you forget that this man is a bit smarter than that…?

(Though I thought Kali had a point and then she didn’t. I thought she was going to be like “wait we’re fighting for THIS idiot?” but she didn’t and that’s exactly what I thought. Jeez) I don’t blame Derek or Scott for Derek’s “death” because he and …unnamed dead Alpha shouldn’t have been fighting near that convenient hole in the ground. Though I couldn’t stop laughing when I realized he managed to twist his body to dramatically stare at Scott and then turn again to fall dramatically. I think that was bad editing but lolol sucks to be you.

“His backflips were spectacular. Pity his fall was… off.”

BUT DEREK. DEREK WHAT ARE YOU DOING. I partially blame the writers because this doesn’t make since. He just met Ms. Blake like two episodes ago. He creeped her last episode. Either way, YOU DON’T KNOW HER.  So either he was STANDING OUTSIDE BY HER CAR ALL DAY and no one noticed, limped to her car and STOOD THERE until she showed up and no one noticed, waited in the woods and THEN RAN TO HER CAR and no one noticed.

JLADJLKJDLKA EW CLEAN THAT SHIT, DEREK.

Jesus Christ. Also when he fell he must have launched himself backwards because where he landed was no where near the car. Derek. Honey. You disgusting. Don’t put your nasty bloody hand on her window? Is your half dead ass planning on cleaning that up? But in all seriousness, I need Ms. Blake to have a purpose in the story. I’m personally hoping she’s the Durak so Derek will never ever trust again, but I just like watching Derek suffer. Apparently in the next episode, they kiss. Which would be fine if I knew ANYTHING about Ms Blake to her than she’s a teacher who works really fucking late, and if Derek didn’t have the emotional range of a needle.

Please let her be evil. DEREK WOULD NEVER RECOVER!!! :D

It’s like… they’ve shoving this couple at me and I could think they’re cute but they have SO few scenes together that literally, I can understand if Ms Blake thought he was just hot and wanted to help, while Derek was so awkward that he obsessed about her and stalked her and oh god does Derek need a hug and someone to sit his ass down in normal people school cause he cray .

Final Thoughts:

• Peter, summer reading? Really? I just watched Hercules the other day and that informed me about the hydra. Besides, summer is long over.
• I’m glad Scott’s mom is totes cool with Isaac living with them, considering we saw nothing of a resolution of Isaac asking to live with him.
• That Papa Argent cameo wasn’t enough for me. :(
• Did… did the Alpha’s not smell Deucalion on … the dead Alpha? Wouldn’t they be a bit suspicious…?
• Boyd spoke more than five minutes!!! Also I’m glad he’s cool with Derek even when no one else is. (Also, I’d buy a ticket to that gun show. ;D)
• I really really really REALLY want Ms Blake and Gerard to team up and be the Durak. Because I want Ms Blake to be evil, and GERARD HAS TO COME BACK WHERE IS HE. Cora can come too.

Thank you everyone for reading! See, I told you I’d be (a day) eariler. I’m so proud. Anyway, creep on by next week to see how many times I use caps lock over Derek’s emotionally stunted self kissing Ms. Blake. Excuse me. Jennifer.

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Next Episode: Teen Wolf: 3×06 – Motel California

[All images from http://screencapped.net]