REVIEW: Riddick

8 Sep

….I honestly have no advice. If you’re looking for a crazy; what in the world am I watching oh my god DID HIS ARM JUST EXPLODE FROM crazy; I’m kind of bored I wonder what Vin Diesel could be Vin Diesel-ing about today crazy… You’ll LOVE Riddick!

Riddick, Vin Diesel

Riddick looking awesome and violent and READY TO KICK SOME ASS

My Score: 5/10

Metacritic: 48%

See If:  If you’re looking for an earth shattering good film, this is obviously not it. If you’re looking for an entertaining movie where Vin Diesel kicks probably more ass than is probably legal, and where people blow up, are decapitated, and is kinda violent, you’ll love it.

I am either the best or worst person to look at this film for I have not seen the other entries into the franchises. Granted, they did try to catch those who had not seen the other films up to speed in a very Tron: Legacy fashion, which is always lol-tastic but a good attempt.

You should be warned that this movie is incredibly long, so no matter what you do, chalk out three hours of your day to see this – 2.5 hours to actually watch the film, and .5 of an hour to sit around and go, “What the fuck did I just watch.”

Also slight spoiler – the scenes from the trailer? Are like in the last third of the movie. RUDE.

Vin Diesel plays the titular Riddick, though if I’m quite honest, I just called him Vin Diesel as I always do in every film. He starts the movie being a bad ass motherfucker by forcing his leg back into position after it looks like it’s bent in all the wrong places, and he just gets more badass from that.

What I didn’t understand about this film was that it seemed like it tried to be ten different movies at once. They were all awesome movies, but they seemed a little disjointed. Like, the man against nature aspect, with Vin in the beginning, then Man against Man throughout the entire rest of the movie, and then … I guess Vin Diesel against everyone because why not.

Did I like this movie? Well, what was there not to like? I’ll admit I wasn’t the biggest fan of how there were very few female characters, but at the same time, we had a fairly large multicultural cast.

Granted almost everyone who died was multicultural DAMMIT RIDDICK.

Okay fine. Um… look. If you’re looking for a fun film where Vin Diesel is kicking ass, and the world that’s created is incredibly pretty but dangerous at the same time, and you want to take your mind off of what’s going on because your brain will actually be 100% engaged during this movie (engaged in the “HOW DID THAT HAPPEN NO THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE”) then I think you will love it.

The plot isn’t all that difficult to follow, (a man has to survive on an alien planet, and then it later becomes people discover the location of a wanted criminal and fight to capture him), the characters have their defined roles. There’s the leader, the chick (who is more badass than maybe even Riddick), the asshole who you know is going to die a horrible and terrible death (and it’s glorious), and Vin Di– Riddick. RIDDICK who loves himself some monologues.

If you know what you’re getting into when you walk into this film, you should enjoy it. Just so you know – if you love cheesy one lines and terrible camera zooms, you will not be disappointed.


One Response to “REVIEW: Riddick”

  1. CMrok93 September 10, 2013 at 4:44 pm #

    Good review. While it won’t win any points for being smart or anything, it did win some for being a fun, but dumb movie, and not apologizing for being so.

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